To the girl that made that decision that January morning:
February 2021 I moved into my first “solo apartment,” post college and post living with my parents again during the pandemic.
It felt like the most new beginning – new beginning. I manifested this apartment, word for word.
It was just what I needed when I needed it.
It’s where I finally decided to create Vibra & Vida, to let that tiny seed that was planted in 2019, bloom into reality.
I felt creative, inspired and excited about life in general. I drove into creating an expression of me in my space. I wrote the
How to furnish your apartment for under $1,500
blog. I was becoming my new version, it felt uncomfortable and new and it changed my life. I had a space where I could cry if I wanted to without someone forcing me to give them a reason. I think all the emotions I had bottled up for years finally had the space to come out.
Every inch of that space got to know me, in and out.
I wish I had known that this was the start of feeling like an adult, you see bills and groceries and the very mundane things bring out things inside you, emotions you never felt before.
Yes you need to set up our own electricity and decide which is going to be the best provider for you.
In short, decisions. Everyday after you move out of your parents house its decision after decision after decision.
What couch, what hangers or utensils are going to fit your needs and after the many many purchases are done and you’re settled in,
you’ll breathe a breath of relief.
And then its silence.
I think big life changes like these force us to meet the version of ourselves, the thoughts we usually avoid.
In my experience, it’s better to let them come out.
With out getting too deep,
where you live, your sacred space, where you live months or years of your life, your home, I remind you to cherish it.
If you’re moving into your new space I want to remind you to love every second of it, the highs the lows. The get togethers, the struggle to get the groceries all in one trip and the many laughs and many cries you will have.
And when everything is packed up and in boxes I hope you leave that space fully lived and I hope you leave transformed.
My Personal Reflection:
I’ve thought about this day, the day when everything is in boxes when my new beginning became my normal, then my cave, and now an end.
If only I knew then what I know now.
That my couch, wasn’t going to only be a couch, but a place where I shared many meals, many laughs, many cries. A place where I created what was in my mind begging to come out. A place where I laid and stared and wondered what was next.
My coffee table that was also my desk, where I journaled and healed and wrote my next steps.
And my floor, met my yoga mat when I didn’t know what to do then.
My mirror on the wall where I got to see me becoming my new me, the mirror I started to avoid many months when I felt like I had no direction.
Because healing isn’t always linear, and it’s far from perfection.
In the corner of my window are the dead flowers I don’t want to throw away, they have too met their end.
These walls watched me grow, the growing pains.
In boxes are my memories I will now take.
I am a different girl now and if I met me before I’d say “You will love like never before and you will hurt like never before. You will learn self-love but meet self-hate, you will learn your worth but first, you will feel hopeless. You will be grateful for all of it.”
21, now going on 24, it feels like a lifetime ago that I was opening the door to my new space, 3 years later leaving with so much change.
Change is again knocking on my door.
